make me purr

A friend of mine committed suicide a week ago today. I won’t go into details, but ..well… I’m pretty messed up about it. No, no, we were never lovers, although we had been roomies for a time.

This is the part where I normally get up on my soap box and beg people that if they are feeling suicidal to call a 1-800 line, or call a friend or otherwise get help.

Fuck that right now.

He’s dead, and there is nothing I can do about it now. However, I am hurting. I’m hurting really bad, and most of my so-called “friends” are ignoring me. It’s not helping. One said “well, people might not know what to say…” I don’t fucking care. A little sympathy goes a long ways. Just knowing that ya’ll are cutting me some slack for a few days because I’m a little bit in shock would be nice. Some sort of acknowledgement of what’s going ON in my life would be nice. Even NOT IMPLYING THAT I”M MAKING IT UP to get out of some sort of social obligation would be nice…. but apparently I expect too much.

I’ve known far too many people who’ve died. People my age. Friends. I’ve known too many who’ve killed themselves. God this sucks. We’d been talking just a few days before. I had no idea he was that desperate. None. Now I have to add him to the list of ghosts that haunt me.

I’m reasonably sure that those who are reading this are fully aware of what’s going on at Amazon.com. If you don’t, crawl out from under that rock and google it.

Or, for added fun, go to Amazon.com and do a search for homosexuality. 

Not cool. I myself will be boycotting them until this is fixed.

Ok, I wrote not that long ago that I felt like a “trophy”. That we’d had some wonderful girly-girl sex, and all was well with the world.

Here’s the thing: Girly-girl sex is hard to do simultaneously, despite what you see in the movies. Inevitably, someone gets over-excited and stops doing what she was doing to the other girl, to concentrate on her own waves of glorious, mind-blowing, everlasting glee.

and then falls asleep, with vague half-muttered promises of “I’ll get you tomorrow.”

Tomorrow never comes. Neither do I.

I might have to start tracking her excuses – because looking at it from that direction, it actually is starting to be pretty funny – or pretty pathetic… I’ll try to keep a humorous eye on things.

I think the night after, she was “too tired”. Fair enough, we’d both done a lot of work that day.

Then, she accidentally took too much of her medication. A simple double-dose, when she had forgotten she’d already taken her daily dose. Not a problem – she was fine, we didn’t have to go to the hospital –*but* — she got out of having nookie, too.

A couple more days of “too tired” and simply “going to bed too late”.. Tonight she was “feeling fragile” and went to bed early.

Good grief, woman! I asked her if she was interested WHEN SHE GOT HOME! It’s not like I’m springing this on her at 2am.

For anyone keeping track, I have a bet going with a male friend of mine. A *gay* male friend of mine, who sympathisizes with my plight. He’s said if I don’t get good and done before July (which would make it a year. A YEAR, people, and I AM in a relationship, too.) he’ll have sex with me.

(shhh, we aren’t telling him about the “doing” I got in Feb. It was ok, but like Eldritch says, I want more. I want the long, loving foreplay, the desire in her eyes, the cuddling, and perhaps – just perhaps – have her not watching _Family Guy_ over my shoulder)

oh well.

ok, since you asked:

1 . Would you consider having sex with any of your friends?

Yes. I’d have sex with many, if not most, of my friends…under the right circumstances.

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?-

 I prefer night, but I wouldn’t say “no” to sex just about any time of the day. I like being able to just relax and fall asleep afterwards – something I don’t get to do during the morning or afternoons.

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

I prefer the right side of the bed. (too)

4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?

Yes.

5. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?

Yes, but in the shower it’s really more foreplay than sex. Such a small area isn’t really conducive to the kind of sex I like.
 

6. Do you watch/read pornography?

I don’t watch it much, but I do like Anais Nin, and Anne Rice’s Beauty series, and a few plain ol’ sleazy bodice-rippers.

7.Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?

That depends on the day (or night, as it were).

8. Do you love someone on your blogroll?

I don’t have a blogroll.

9. Would you choose love or money?

I’d choose love. 

10. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?

There are so many to choose from… I love foreplay that starts early in the day with a dirty little email or IM or phone call, then later on continues with snuggling and messing around on the couch, until we can’t stand in anymore and make a mad dash for the bedroom.. I don’t think that’s really a kink, but I do love it.

A little bit of silk scarf bondage can be fun, as long as everyone’s clear on the safe word.

Then a little bit of the blindfold and being fed sensual foods is great…

11. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?

Yes, but I’d rather not discuss it.

12. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?

Iwon’t tell you that, but I’ll tell you the most romantic place I *didn’t* have sex…I was hiking around Europe with a friend after graduation. Towards the end of the trip, we found ourselves in Tintagel, England. It’s a small town, with just a little bit of tourism (King Arthur was born there!) . We hiked along a ridge that looked out over the water, over the ocean.  The sun was beginning to set, and we sat down to watch it. I’d taken some great photos that day. I mentioned to him what a beautiful place this was, and what a shame that we weren’t with a romantic partner. Then he unexpectedly grabbed me, and leaned me back onto the grass.  He held me close and softly kissed me. I was shocked! Then he sat back up and said something to the effect of “That’s all you’re getting, hope you enjoyed it.”

13. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?

In a confessional, in a Catholic church around midnight…with someone who was going off to become a priest at the end of summer.

14. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Yes.

15. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?

Yes. I have to go somewhere when I’m single, don’t I? Given that’s where my friends congregate, and they can always introduce me to someone…

16. Ever been picked up in a bar?

Oh hell yeah. My current sweetie “picked me up” (met me, was introduced, etc) in a bar.

17. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?

Yes. I go every which way.

18. Had sex in a movie theater?

No. I haven’t found one that is both private enough and clean enough to do this. Unless you count drive-ins… There was one time at a horrible drive-in…

20. Had sex in a bathroom?

Yes. See above, under “shower, bath”.

21. Have you ever had sex at work?

I guess you’d have to define “sex”. Then again, if something has to be defined…

22. Bought something from an adult store?

Yes. I’ve bought everything from lingerie to sex toys, lube, ben-wa balls, all kinds of things. (except porn)

23. Do you own any sex toys?

Yes. I have a few – but I could certainly use more. A couple of them are getting worn out!

24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?

Assuredly. I’m honestly surprised I haven’t found any of myself out there – but I haven’t looked that hard.

25. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?

Not that I can remember…. but it’s probably happened.

26. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?

Sure. I think anything that climaxes with someone having an orgasm (or faking one) should be considered “sex”, if not technically “intercourse”.

27. What’s your favorite sexual position?

Anything that involves another person.

28. What’s your favorite sex act?

Lately I’ve been pretty fond of mutual masturbation.

29. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?

Yes. Seems to be overrated.